


Tap Water

by lazarusbee (glossopteris)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Coffee Shops, Depression, Drunken Confessions, Fluff, M/M, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Pining, Pining Castiel (Supernatural), Roommates, Song Lyrics, Sweet Castiel/Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25113211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glossopteris/pseuds/lazarusbee
Summary: "Where does a mistake begin? Lately I've found this question to be difficult, even impossible. A mistake has roots, like a tree- you have to take in account the person's reasoning and whereabouts. Did my mistake begin with the kiss? Or was it befriending Dean in the first place?"The past has a funny way of finding you, even if Castiel has tried to run from his. He thought he had just started to move on when his old crush, Dean Winchester finds himself at Castiel's door, drunk and alone, one rainy night.This story was written while listening to a song called ‘Tap Water’ by Jordan Moore. Each verse brings in a different chapter of the story.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Love of my life**

**you get so sad when you drink.**

**I don't know why**

**you keep asking me what I think.**

When I walk into work I stare absentmindedly at the geometrically patterned floor, clocking in and hanging my tan coat up on the hook.

I slowly button up my uniform and brush off the mud on my shoes, while running a hand through my hair, trying to get rid of my headache. I came into work exhausted and distracted this morning. Dean had spent the night on my couch. Not that I minded, he could stay as long as he wanted as far as I was concerned. I loved the guy. No, the reason I was so out of it today was because Dean had showed up at my door in the middle of the night very drunk and in tears and I took him in without question, staying with him all night to take care of him and calm him.

“You look like shit.”

I look up to find my coworker Charlie staring at me. “Thanks,” I laugh, glancing quickly at my reflection in a metal pot hanging up by the door. I realize Charlie wasn’t joking. Dark circles surrounded my eyes, causing the blue color to look faded and dull. I didn't have time to shave earlier, sporting some stubble on my chin, making me look disheveled, and my hair was messy from my hands nervously tugging on it all morning. “I feel worse.”

“You ok?” Charlie asks me, her face pinched with worry.

My voice catches in my throat so I shrug.

“It’s Dean isn’t it?” Charlie blurts out. She could read me so well.

I nod, “He showed up at my door last night wasted. It was a long night.”

Charlie wraps her arms around me in a hug. “I’m so sorry Castiel. Do you wanna talk about it?”

I hug her back. “Not really, thanks Charlie.”

Public service was not my forte but I did make a good cup of coffee. With Charlie on the register and me on the espresso machine, we made a good team. The day was almost over as l mused over last nights events. I was glad Charlie didn’t pressure me to talk about it, even though I knew she was dying to hear all the details. Charlie knew I had a pathetic crush on our mutual friend, and we both knew that Dean has had a new girlfriend hanging off of his arm every month for the 4 years we’ve known him.

I didn’t want to share because I was still trying to process the night. Dean had showed up at my door. Wasted, with tears pouring out of his eyes and hands gripping at me, trying to steady himself as his whole body shook with sobs. Repeating over and over again that he needed to know what I think. What I thought of what, I did not know, and Dean had been too drunk to explain. I had taken him inside and held him as the man threw up and eventually calmed down. I had wrapped him in a blanket and put him to sleep on the couch. l had spent the remaining hours before work cleaning up the mess and watching the rise and fall of his chest as he slept. I had seen Dean drunk a few times, especially during freshman year of College, but right now he was a mess. I didn’t sleep at all that night, too worried to close my eyes. Work was over, and I had finished cleaning the tables, said goodbye to Charlie, promising to call her if I needed anything over the weekend. I was finally on my way home, when I got a text. Pulling out my phone and glancing at it, It was from Dean.

What do you think - DW

It still made no sense. I silently prayed that Dean was not drunk texting, and could explain exactly what he needed my opinion on. I put his phone down and continued to drive. I would be home soon enough and could confront Dean about last night and hopefully figure everything out. Pulling into my driveway I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding, relief that Dean’s car was still there. He wasn’t off at some bar somewhere. There was a dim light on and I opened the door to the house. Immediately stopping when I saw what was inside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sometimes the wine is better off in the sink**

**with the tap water**

**that I'll beg you to drink**

**when you're slumped to the floor**

**asking God if he's bored of ignoring you.**

**Is that my cue?**

Dean was slumped on the floor of the living room, a half full wine bottle clutched in his fist. Three empty wine bottles surrounded his body. “Dean!” I ran over to him. “Dean, are you ok?”

His eyes fluttered open at the sound of my voice. “Hiya Cas. I’ve never felt better.”

I smiled slightly at the nickname Dean had given me so many years ago, silently urging the butterflies in my stomach to go away, now was not the time. I grab his hand and slowly pull him up to a sitting position. “Why are you drunk again Dean?”

Something flashed in Deans eyes that I couldnt quite place. Suddenly Dean flinched away from my touch. “Don’t touch me.”

“Dean i’m trying to help you.” I say quietly. His words stung.

Dean takes another swig of his wine but misses it entirely, sloshing it all over his front. I grabthe bottle, carefully loosening it from his grip. Picking up the empty bottles as well and taking them to the sink as Dean continues to pout.

“Where’d it go?” Dean slurs. I grab a cup and fill it up with cold tap water.

“Sometimes the wine’s better off in the sink.” I say back to him. I bring the cup over to where Dean is sitting on the floor. “Please drink this instead.”

Dean shoves the cup away from him. “No.”

“Please Dean, drink some water.” I beg, holding the cup up to his mouth.

“No!” Dean shouts, shoving the water away even harder.

It slips out of my hand to the floor and I shrink away from his sudden outburst. He was far too gone to be rational and my plan of talking to him were gone as well. I go back into the kitchen away from him to refill the water cup and contemplate if I should call Sam, or maybe Charlie. I didn’t think I would have the strength to deal with Dean again tonight.

“Are you bored God? Are you bored of ignoring me?” Dean shouts again, causing me to jump slightly.

I peek around the doorframe to see Dean lying down on the floor, silent tears streaming from his green eyes, and find him staring back up at me. I go over and try to give Dean the water again, trying desperately to comfort him, which this time Dean accepts, taking sips and clutching my other hand until I put down the cup, satisfied. My other hand remained in Deans grip, and I sit down on the floor next to him. I sit and stare at Dean while he lies there, holding my hand like it was his lifeline, he looked so innocent and peaceful. My crush on Dean still hadn’t faded one bit, despite spending so long trying to get over it, and I enjoyed the way Deans hand fit perfectly into my own, and how his light brown hair was messed up, his freckled cheeks rosy from the alcohol.

“What do you think Cas?.” Dean slurred through gritted teeth.

Theres that question again. “I- I don’t know Dean. What are you talking about?”

“I need to know what you think!” Dean cries out. “You don’t understand!”

“No I don’t understand Dean.” I say, calmly. I try to pull my hand from Deans grip, which only causes him to squeeze tighter. Dean pulls me closer, and suddenly I lose my balance, and topple over, while Dean climbs on top of me, pinning my arms down so I can’t move.

“You don’t understand Cas.” Dean says, a pleading look in his eyes, and his slurs becoming more frantic. “Please Cas, i’m so confused.”

“Dean stop you’re scaring me.” I breathe out, my arms burning under his grip and my stomach twisting with every word as he presses his weight down on my chest.

“I’m so alone Cas.” Dean says, his face getting closer to mine, so close that I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“What’s wrong Dean?” I began to get frustrated, how could he say these things? I wish he could feel the way I felt. “I’m here Dean. I let you stay here with me. How could you possibly be alone?”

“You don't understand.” Dean said, emotionless, his grip beginning to loosen.

“Then explain yourself.” Even without Deans full body weight on me, I couldn’t find the strength to shove him off, I was frozen. Dean probably meant he was heartbroken, and if anyone could understand it would be Castiel. He was the one sitting here in his own house while the only person he’s ever loved holds him down and breaks his heart once again.

“What do you think?” Dean asks, his face getting closer to mine again.

“About what Dean!?” I respond, beginning to get exasperated.

”What do you think about me moving back in with Lisa?” Dean sighs, closing his eyes. “I thought I told you.”

“No. You didn’t.” I state through gritted teeth, and I’m taken aback.

There is so much frustration lingering between us now. If Dean was moving back in with his ex-girlfriend why was he complaining about being alone? Dean was here, on my living room floor, drunk, and bringing up old memories when I had tried for so long to get over him. “Since when do you care what I think Dean?”

Dean frowns at that. “Cas I- I don’t-” There is an unspoken sadness in his green eyes.

Before Dean could get out his sentence I leaned up and closed the gap between our lips. I couldn’t help myself, and knew that if I never did this, I would regret it. I loved him. Dean, to my surprise, pressed back into my lips, and I tasted the bitterness of the wine on my tongue. This caused me to come back to my senses, and I used all of my strength to push Dean away from me. Dean was drunk, and was only kissing back because he wasn’t fully there. I couldn’t take advantage of this, I was just confused.

“Dean, I need to tell you how much you mean to me-“ My voice was hoarse and my hands were shaking. “When you aren’t drunk.” I finished, and stood up.

“Cas?” Dean whispered, his fingertips brushed against his lips.

“I’m sorry- I- I’ll see you tomorrow.” I stuttered out. I ran into my bedroom and slammed the door. God, I am so stupid. I couldn’t stop the tears that poured from my eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Love of my life**

**you're drunk every night**

**or stoned or high or alone**

**outside in the cold**

**Saying “hold me**

**I’m tired**

**and I want to go home.**

**Hold me I’m tired**

**and I want to go home.”**

Where does a mistake begin? Lately I’ve found this question to be difficult, even impossible. A mistake has roots, like a tree- you have to take in account the person's reasoning and whereabouts. Did my mistake begin with the kiss? Or was it befriending Dean in the first place? I don’t think it was. I believe that my mistake began with an innocent experience that I have not yet deciphered.

For example, I remember sitting on a blue stool in my living room at age 9, watching a gay couple kiss on tv, while my mother tried to gather my younger siblings up for a nap. Should I have looked away? Or did the miscalculation occur moments later, when my mother saw what I was watching and turned it off, muttering something about ‘abominations of God’.

I still hear the hatred dripping from my mother’s tongue.

And now I am sitting on the floor of my bedroom, all the mistakes I’ve made have led me here. There is nothing but silence that surrounds the house and I hate it. I shouldn’t have kissed him. Now he hates me, and dark thoughts threaten to take over. With each passing thought I sink deeper and deeper into my own head. My phone buzzes, and it takes all my strength to grab it, checking the time, it’s already 7 am.

I had to go out there and face Dean. Just to apologize and face the consequences of what I’ve done. I open the door of my bedroom to dead silence.

“Dean?” I call out, my ears ringing. Nothing. “Dean?” I shout, panic setting in. “Where are you?”

Suddenly the door opens and Dean is standing there, groceries in hand, trying to push the door open with his foot.

“Little help here?” He chuckles, his voice sounding muffled and far away.

“Dean!?” I yell. I run to him, not caring how messy or tear stained I look, and throw my arms around him, knocking the bags out of his arms.

“Cas, watch out.” Dean says.

“Dean.” I suddenly feel very conscious about how close we are and take a step back, letting him fall out of my grasp, suddenly feeling awkward and small. Dean’s green eyes are trained on me as I shrink back. I clear my throat, and start, “We should talk about-”

Dean interrupts me with a wave of his hand, “Later, Cas. Can you help me pick these up?” He motions to the groceries strewn about the floor.

We pick them up in silence. I can’t take it anymore.

“Thanks for shopping.” I say, staring at him blankly.

“Thanks for letting me crash here.” He says back, flashing me a grin. “I’ve been a mess.”

I nod.

He continues. “I want the pain to stop.” Dean says, with so much sadness behind his words, “I just want to be happy again.”

I give him an understanding smile. “And Lisa is going to make the pain go away.”

Dean shrugs, his brow furrowed in deep thought. “No. She isn’t. I wanted you to convince me _not_ to go down that path again.”

“Me?” I ask him.

“You’ve always been there for me Cas.”

I study Dean’s face, despite his tired eyes and worn smile he still looked amazing. My eyes find his lips and I remember just last night when I had kissed him, and feel a blush start creeping up my cheeks. The thought alone sending a jolt of electricity up my spine. He made it so hard to get over this damn crush.

“I’m tired.” Dean sighs, worry clouding his green eyes that still trained on my own.“I can’t explain it- It’s like i’m outside in the cold with nowhere to go. All I want to do is go home, and then I find myself on your doorstep.”

I give him a quizzical look, and take a step closer to him.

Dean takes a step closer as well, and continues to speak.“And i’m sorry for crashing your place, I was just confused.” he says. “I’ll pack up my things and leave so you don’t have to deal with me anymore.”

“Dean?” I say quietly.

Dean continues, “I’m so sorry for showing up out of nowhere and dragging you back into my life.”

“Dean!” I say, louder this time. “Please don’t apologize. I care about you so much.” I take another step closer to him, the door’s still open, sending in a cool morning breeze and I shiver slightly. “Please don’t go.” I continue, “I know you don’t need me, and it’s selfish of me to say this, but please don’t go.”

Maybe we were standing a little too close but I didn’t care, and I guess Dean didn’t either because he made no move to step away. I could feel his breath as he spoke. “That’s where you’re wrong Cas.” Dean whispered softly.

**Why do you love me when**

**I'm tainted and ugly**

**I'm throwing my voice**

**in the back of the cab**

**I know you don’t need me**

**I'm sorry for asking**

**But please,**

**please don’t go.**

_I blink_.

Dean continues, “I _do_ need you Cas.”

Deans face was inches away. My breath hitches in my throat as Dean lifts his hand to my face, running a thumb over my lips and I shudder under his touch.

"May I?”

I nod. Not trusting my voice to speak while Dean, ever so gently, presses his lips to mine. I smile as I lean into him, letting my anxieties melt away. When we separate after a minute, cheeks flushed and lips sore, I open my eyes to Deans green ones. I loved those eyes, that shone so unnaturally bright. I loved his freckles, the ones that seemed to kiss every inch of his skin but were only visible in the sun, or when I was this close enough to see them. I loved his smile, and the slight chuckle he let out when he saw how transfixed I was. I admired the way his hands were placed so gently around my waist. I admired the look on Dean’s face- pure happiness. I still wasn’t sure how _I_ could be the one to put that look on Dean’s face, but it didn’t matter.

I squeeze Dean in a tighter embrace, “Hold me. Please don’t go.” I whisper in his ear.

Dean whispers back, “I’m not going anywhere Cas.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so lemme know what you think!


End file.
